Go Canada!!!

Inspiration of this post.

So. I don’t know many Canadians. Of the ones I do know I like them all except for one exception. This has absolutely nothing to do with Canadians as it has to do with annoying selfish arrogant tactless young women.

Some back story
My first year in Japan I met a kid from Scranton, PA. I’m one of those people who can hang with a lot of different crowds. I spent elementary school home schooling, where I amassed scholastic information to last me until my sophomore year in high school. I went to roller rinks, Star Trek conventions, and had light saber duels with my best friend Andrew. How big of a Star Trek nerd was I? Well, I was Sulu for Halloween one year, I still have an unopened Spock figurine, and I played Star Trek the card game…

What's the "Dilemma"? What’s the “Dilemma”?

In middle school I went back into the public school system. I got a crash course in the hierarchy and political landscape of teens trying too hard to grow up too quickly. Needless to say I was a non-player for my first year, but by the time I was in 8th grade I figured out that my safest course through middle school was allaying myself with the biggest names in the school, by helping them cheat on math tests.

In high school, I was a hyped baseball player as a freshman. Some how everyone believed I had to have ninja hands as an asian ball player. My high school consisted of 597 white Kentucky natives, a skinny vegan from India, some mustached senior who either had a great tan or was some sort of hispanic, and moi.

So when I started training with Interac, it was kind of like high school all over. Cliques formed frighteningly fast. The hipsters thought they were (ironically) the most awesome thing to hit Japan since the Beetles, the Aussies, Scotts, and one Irish kid were just waiting to go drink as they complained that the local brews were as strong as watered down urine, the anime nerds kept quietly to themselves, the hippie girls grossed everyone out with their hairy legs and armpits, no one could understand a word the Jamaicans said, and everyone wanted to fuck bed hookup with “hang out with” the hot girl from Trinidad with the big ass and cute upturned nose.

I befriended only two people at training, Josh and Dom. Josh, like me had a Japanese girlfriend and was a jockish jokester from Oklahoma. We have a similar sense of humor. Dom had studied Japanese, and turned his nose up at some of the other trainees who were oblivious to all things Japanese. He was a bit of a smart-ass, but he wasn’t an idiot, so it worked out.

The two of them didn’t really get a long too well ironically.

Anyway, Dom was the one from Scranton, PA. He played W.O.W. fairly competitively and he even met a girl in the realms of Kalimord or whatever it’s called. This girl’s name was Sara. She was a 22 year old who studied paleontology, liked dance-dance revolution, had an alarming amount of peach-fuzz facial hair that in the right light made her look downright furry, and was from Canada.

I thought about putting a picture of a bearded woman up… but I liked this picture better…

Oh Canada…

Isn’t it funny? If you meet a fat guy who’s pissed off and angry and is a complete douche bag you’re just as likely to say, “Damn, fat people are ass-holes,” when you should say, “Damn, that one dude was an ass-hole.”

How it works (xkcd.com/385/)

So I met Sara. At the time Dom was living in Shizuoka, which is 30 minutes southwest of Tokyo by the bullet train. I was living where I currently live in Fukuoka, the north area of the souther island of Kyushu, about 6 hours away from Tokyo by the Shinkansen.

My brother was visiting me in Japan for summer break, and I invited Dom to join us, and I even told him he could bring Sarah, who I had only met once briefly when she visited him in the spring. I would be remiss to mention that her father flew her out to Japan on a whim, when she told him she wanted to hang out with some W.O.W. buddies, and then he flew her out again, during the summer to continue hooking up (I mean hanging out) with her W.O.W. buddies buddy.

I didn’t have a problem with her the first time we met. She was the shy new girl friend. So I saw no ostensible reason to not let Dom bring his virtual turned 3D squeeze warrior dark elf.

That outfit doesn’t seem very battle worthy…

Man, what a mistake. I spent the following two weeks listening to her complain about everything from the consistency of the food to the fact that summer was hot to the horror that I the only shampoo I owned was a 2 in 1 conditioner/shampoo… and every little thing in between.

I don’t know how Dom put up with it. And he did break up with her about the day before they left, which to her credit she took in stride, if only to save face. She was smug, while inaccurate. She argued with me that it’s impossible to overdose on vitamin C because it’s healthy for you.In the process, she alienated me, my brother, my sweet little Japanese girl friend and her family who are the most gracious hosts.

If pure enough, bitchiness is a universal language.

I forgive her ahead of time… cuz she’s adorable…

After she had left I tried to erase all evidence of her existence. Luckily, all this required was burning the sheets and unfriending her on Facebook.

She wasn’t done annoying me though. She sent me this message.

Hi, Matt,
I noticed you un-friended me on facebook. That’s fine. Can’t say I was surprised — you had some weird passive-aggressive attitude toward me the whole time we were in Fukuoka. I’m not terribly interested in being e-“friends” with someone who’s a shameless jerk toward me. I’d just appreciate if you’d extend the courtesy of telling me straight what your problem with me is. I felt like I’d been nothing but nice to you. I’d felt like we’d gotten along just fine on my previous trips to Japan. Dom said he thought you were annoyed at my “immaturity”, which I thought was ironic considering how your behavior struck me as pretty damn immature. I’m not a fan of drama but I’m a big believer in putting things like this out in the open, so there you have it. So what gives?

My reply:

Ah, Sara, sara, sara. . . I just don’t know… where to begin. Maybe you shouldn’t ask me this question until you’re ten years older. I’m not saying you have to actually wait 10 full calendar years, but if you were to find some means to mature your personality by about 10 years then I wouldn’t feel so bad about saying this to a 22 year old. What the hell though.
You strike me as someone who is used to getting what she wants the first time she asks for it. Even having to ask for it at all gets under your skin just a wee-little bit. You’re not used to saying thank you, at least not in the English language. Well, here, I’ll open with a list of describing words for you.
Very whiny
Very tactless
I myself am several of those things and it is a list of very universal traits that many people share. However, when I am house guest at someone’s home, apt, duplex, tent, RV, windowless van, I become a slightly different version of myself… because I am a guest. If you wonder why we got a long at first it was because I nothinged you. I neither liked nor disliked you. You simply exhisted without me really caring. Then as I got to know the real you you were able to get me to hop off the fence about the whole thing. You didn’t change one bit throughout your 2 week stay.
Just because Yuuki’s parents don’t understand what you said most of the time, dosn’t mean you shouldn’t keep your opinions to yourself.
Dom: How is it?
Sara: I guess it’s more edible than _insert whatever you want into blank_.
I understood you. Dom could. Luke could. Yuuki could. Why do you think we never went to kareoke? Why do you think Yuuki didn’t go with us to the fireworks?
You took without asking and without saying thanks. (Aside from a few mumbled arrigato’s you really held off the thank you bit.) You stayed for free, you ate for free, you took freely anything you felt like.
You complained incessently. Now complaining isn’t all bad. Sometime’s it’s appropriate. But even with Mario Cart taken out of the equation, it was like listened to a broken reccord. The difference is between constructive complaining and just comentating on everything that doesn’t make your life wonderful. Life is a crap shoot and if you whine about everytime you land on a lot less favorable then there’s not many people who will want to stand by you and listen to that.
How many times did you thank me? How many times did Dom? My own brother thanked me all the time and whatever I have I consider equally his. Yuuki was impressed at how good Dom was at appreciating thngs. I was, but I knew Dom would make a good impression. There was a reason no one was interested in going to a Korean restaurant, something I usually have to protest about being dragged too. I was just embarassed that I had invited you too.
The only reason I didn’t call you out on any of these things was out of respect for Dominic. I did talk to him about you on a few occasions about any number of issues, but either he said nothing to you or you didn’t listen. I continued to hope you’d turn it around, until about the 5th day or so. Sorry, but I made my judgement call then. You are a young 22 year old who hasn’t seen much in the way of hardship or if you did it didn’t leave a lasting impression on you. You take whatever you feel like whenever you feel like, obvlivous to who’s hand your snatching it from ungratefully. I was passive agressive because I didn’t want to make Dom forced into a situation where he had to pick between sending you home and leaving early. Though in retrospect I should have just flown you back to Tokyo or just paid for Dom’s return ticket back to Fukuoka after shipping you off.
Bottom line we are not friends, never will be for at least another 10 years, but I’ll bet by then neither of use will care at all. Personally, I’m comfortable back nothinging you. Yeah, dealing with you was tough then, but sometimes life gives you rotten lemons and you just have to toss it all out.
Don’t worry, it’s nigh impossible to see the faults others see in you until you can look back retrospectively later in life. You wanted it so there’s the tip of the iceburg. Don’t bother replying, I don’t care what you think, how you think, or why you do what you do. Have fun digging up fossils and go easy on the Vitamin C…

After all was said and done I didn’t step back and think to myself, “Canadian women are terrible…” or “W.O.W. nerds are mannerless self-righteous pricks…” or “Girls with facial hair should shave…” (ok, I did think that last one)

No, I thought to myself, “Never ever act the stereotype of your age.”

So, happy Canada Day!!! I hope a run in with one complete pain in the ass never makes you say anything more than geeze, that person was a pain in the ass. Personally, I love Canada because it gives us maple syrup, Ryan Reynolds, and provides a buffer between American and Alaska.

Now if only we can get her back to Alaska!

One thought on “Happy Canada Day

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