Lately when I try to sleep I think about my daughter. I’ve been one of those people who is mildly disgusted at FB parents who plaster pictures of their children all over the place… It’s not that I don’t love kids, in fact I kind of enjoy kids, I always have. But I was one of the original FaceBookers. I remember when it was still “the Facebook,” and you had to have a college based email address to join.  Early Facebook for me was pictures of empty alcohol bottles to prove I wasn’t going easy on my liver, stuff we destroyed when we were bored, and hot drunk girls we destroyed…

Just more bacteria
This is like an adult version of a ball pit… just more bacteria… (Bonus! find the hot drunk girl)

Finding kids on Facebook is like running previews for The Lorax before The Dark Knight Rises or product placement for Pampers on Breaking Bad. But I get it now and I want to explain it to everyone who doesn’t get it before I forget what it’s like being on the other side.

In case you were wondering... This is a horrible idea...
In case you were wondering… This is a horrible idea…

It’s simple really. We take pictures and plaster social media with pictures that are avatars of our identity. Cat people take pictures of their cats, skydivers take awesome pictures of skydiving, Russians take pictures of endless wastelands of snow and leafless trees that somehow have grown in the 30 minute space between winters, college kids take pictures of being stupid, girls take pictures with their faces smashed together so everyone knows that they’re SUCH good friends, and douche bags post an endless stream of memes because they lack their own originality to comment on social trends in a humorous manner…

The answer is they're f*#$ing supid...
The answer is they’re f*#$ing supid…

When I feel my daughter practicing her kickboxing in my wife’s stomach though I get it. This little girl isn’t even born yet and I’ll do anything for her. And that includes taking tons of pictures of her. If you don’t like it then do what I did when I was in your shoes and unsubscribe from my feed. Obviously my child isn’t going to be that important to most of you. I’d be kind of concerned if there were random loosely acquainted people showing an unprecedented level of interest in my baby girl.

Do the Creep yo!
Do the Creep yo!

Just like I don’t really give a shit about your motorcycles, Fast & the Furious prop cars, the donut you ate for breakfast, your trip to Hawaii, incorrect English in countries that don’t speak English, and memes; I don’t expect you to care about my interests, nor do I really care. (Close friends and family not included in this of course.)

P.S. I’m a much better photographer than 90% of you. So all those pictures you post of your trips to Europe, snorkeling off the coast of Australia, depressed zoo animals, sleeping dogs, and yes your kids… just remind me of that fact mostly… was that your intention?

I took this with a fricking cell phone camera...
I took this with a fricking cell phone camera…

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