That’s so unfascinating…

That's so unfascinating...

Suggested replacements: soccer, men’s volleyball, men’s sand volleyball, fixed-gear bikes, fixed-gear skateboards, obscure bands, cars, hockey, fast-food, movies without Kate Beckinsale, fashion, grammer, spelling, Glee, and Hugh Jackman.


My thoughts on Guns from 2011

Gaijin Chameleon

I come from America and more specifically the southern area of the United States. I grew up in Florida, West Virginia, and Kentucky primarily. I spent the last three years of high school and all four years of college in Kansas, which always seemed like they were trying their hardest to either emulate Texans or convince me how much better they were from Nebraskans and Iowans. But to me that was like saying the ‘eggshell white’ is better than ‘white satin’ or ‘ivory tusk’… while there’s a difference who actually gives shit?

Aside from the easy Charlton Heston jokes, guns played an important point in American history. They helped conquer the indigenous people, win independence from the British monarchy, they helped us kill each other when we battled for states rights and wether a black man could or couldn’t be sold like livestock. Guns let Germany try to conquer Europe…

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As my youtube channel grows and I grow more and more apathetic to the masses that fill my adsense account with tens of yen, I’ve stopped replying to comments left on my videos in a timely fashion. The positive comments I usually eventually say, “Thanks” or “lol” and the negative comments I ignore, but don’t remove because I believe in free speech. Maybe once every 3 months I get sucked into an argument in the comments just because I’m bored or I’ve found an extra stupid comment that the shred of integrity left to me can’t ignore.

Ultimately these arguments tend to end with the other person resorting to calling me names after I’ve deconstructed their position so the only thing they have to stand on are playground insults. That’s when you know you’ve won.

But it’s a hollow victory; like sand blasting a soup cracker or watching an anteater go toe-to-toe with single wood ant.

or an anteater-eater vs and anteater and an ant...
or an anteater-eater vs an anteater and an ant…

There have been 2 instances though where an agreement was actually reached between both sides. Both times those people were French, one a man, one a woman. Both times the arguments switched randomly from French to English. And both times there was no name calling.

I won’t argue with people on videos that aren’t my own, because I just don’t care enough. And I barely have time for my own channel as it is.

Usually, I don’t care enough even on my own videos…

Is France the only country with reasonable internet users?

As I've never been to France I'm assuming all French women look like this... her smile makes rainbows look dull...
As I’ve never been to France I’m assuming all French women look like this… her smile makes rainbows look dull… and I think she’s probably very reasonable…

Continue reading “#YouTubeArguments”

Fixing the problem.

I’m going to take a moment from my usual snide tomfoolery to talk about a sensitive subject. If you disagree with me and my reasonable viewpoints then let me know why. But please use a viable argument, using Mexico as an example of strict gun regulation will discount any argument you make based on common sense. I wrote this late last year, but didn’t post it at the time to see if when my head cooled if my opinions would change… they have not.

Giving up on Guns

I do not possess the words to adequately express my feelings from the past year. How do you describe feeling utter anguish for parents and family who lost loved ones, absolute unrelenting anger at one cowardly creature who preyed upon the most innocent and vulnerable among us, pride for the stories of bravery during and after the shooting, and the fear that sits in the pit of your stomach moving forward.

Say what you will about guns, there’s no reason for people to own assault rifles or be able to buy enough bullets to single handedly take over Finland… Why are those who are so fast to defend guns so quick to attack public healthcare? Shouldn’t it be easier to get healthcare (mental healthcare) included than it is to buy rifles at Walmart? Why does anyone need 3-5x more ammunition than a policeman carries with him?

I’m not calling for a ban on guns. I think it’s stupid though that our priorities don’t make sense. We need to become a better country, more educated, and more practical. Guns were very important for settlers as we needed them for food, defense against bears, and to steal the Native American’s land away from them.

But bear populations are in decline, refrigeration tech has made hunting far less important, and the Native population has been conquered and confined to casinos. Why are our laws not evolving with our technological innovations and sociological advancements? An assault rifle and hundreds of bullets is not the same as a musket that takes 8 minutes to reload…

We need to reduce the amount of guns in circulation. That’ll take a long long long time, but if we don’t start we won’t get better. We need more incentive programs for turning in unused weapons, stricter license regulations for people who want to own guns, and we need to change the mindset that where it makes to sense to treat guns like a “tool.”

People need to stop comparing guns to hammers saying that they’re both tools capable of killing. Unless you’re talking about a war hammer that can cast lightning bolts, saying assault rifles and hammers are both tools is like saying a tank and a Prius are both cars. Guns are designed to kill. They’re designed to make killing easier. You don’t rob a bank with a hammer when a gun is easy to get your hands on…

Be realistic. We need to reduce the amount of guns in America, but that won’t stop tragedies from happening. It won’t even reduce the incidents of violent gun crimes for a very long time probably. A lot of these shootings are with legally own guns that are stolen. But if we can make a shift as a country, from one where guns are considered common tools, to a country where guns are considered to be weapons designed to kill then it will eventually get better. At least I believe so.

It’s pretty fucking depressing when I hear people say teachers need to be armed to keep the schools safe… ignore how stupid it sounds to solve gun violence by giving guns to more people, just realize that you need to root out the issue at… well… the root. Treating the symptom and ignoring the cause is irresponsible.


*less guns in circulation
*stricter licenses and regulations
*no assault rifles
*lower bullet sales
*nation wide education and commitment that a 1st world country shouldn’t have these sort of 3rd world issues
*better mental healthcare, that is affordable and publicly available

It’s not a simple issue and there’s no simple solution. But I don’t see how what we’re doing right now is making things better.

One time I was helping shingle a house in Arkansas. We took of one layer of shingles only to find a second layer of singles. We took off that layer, only to find a 3rd layer… by the end of the day we took 5 layers of singles off that house. They kept re-shingling the house one on top of another. The roof was in bad repair. Tons of soggy rotten wood, entire sections that needed to be replaced. What we thought would be a simple job turned into a nightmare project with several tons of old shingle that had to be hauled to the dump, a roof that had to be rebuilt, and my friends having to persuade me from writing “FREE METH” on the roof for fun.

2012 in review

I really wish I wrote more often, because I’m really good at it. There were only a dozen or so new posts this year and depriving the world of the humorous ways I can and do articulate myself is a tragedy on par with the discontinuation of Firefly. I apologize world. Thank you for tuning in and doing what is fast becoming a lost art in our world of Furbies, 3D headaches, and instawhores; reading… I won’t promise more content next year, but I do promise that what I do write will be hilarious and awesome and extremely long winded, but the first 2 qualities will make you hardly realize the 3rd…

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 43,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 10 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

Kid Photo Spam

Lately when I try to sleep I think about my daughter. I’ve been one of those people who is mildly disgusted at FB parents who plaster pictures of their children all over the place… It’s not that I don’t love kids, in fact I kind of enjoy kids, I always have. But I was one of the original FaceBookers. I remember when it was still “the Facebook,” and you had to have a college based email address to join.  Early Facebook for me was pictures of empty alcohol bottles to prove I wasn’t going easy on my liver, stuff we destroyed when we were bored, and hot drunk girls we destroyed…

Just more bacteria
This is like an adult version of a ball pit… just more bacteria… (Bonus! find the hot drunk girl)

Finding kids on Facebook is like running previews for The Lorax before The Dark Knight Rises or product placement for Pampers on Breaking Bad. But I get it now and I want to explain it to everyone who doesn’t get it before I forget what it’s like being on the other side.

In case you were wondering... This is a horrible idea...
In case you were wondering… This is a horrible idea…

It’s simple really. We take pictures and plaster social media with pictures that are avatars of our identity. Cat people take pictures of their cats, skydivers take awesome pictures of skydiving, Russians take pictures of endless wastelands of snow and leafless trees that somehow have grown in the 30 minute space between winters, college kids take pictures of being stupid, girls take pictures with their faces smashed together so everyone knows that they’re SUCH good friends, and douche bags post an endless stream of memes because they lack their own originality to comment on social trends in a humorous manner…

The answer is they're f*#$ing supid...
The answer is they’re f*#$ing supid…

When I feel my daughter practicing her kickboxing in my wife’s stomach though I get it. This little girl isn’t even born yet and I’ll do anything for her. And that includes taking tons of pictures of her. If you don’t like it then do what I did when I was in your shoes and unsubscribe from my feed. Obviously my child isn’t going to be that important to most of you. I’d be kind of concerned if there were random loosely acquainted people showing an unprecedented level of interest in my baby girl.

Do the Creep yo!
Do the Creep yo!

Just like I don’t really give a shit about your motorcycles, Fast & the Furious prop cars, the donut you ate for breakfast, your trip to Hawaii, incorrect English in countries that don’t speak English, and memes; I don’t expect you to care about my interests, nor do I really care. (Close friends and family not included in this of course.)

P.S. I’m a much better photographer than 90% of you. So all those pictures you post of your trips to Europe, snorkeling off the coast of Australia, depressed zoo animals, sleeping dogs, and yes your kids… just remind me of that fact mostly… was that your intention?

I took this with a fricking cell phone camera...
I took this with a fricking cell phone camera…

Stop Molesting My Movie Franchises, George Lucas #longestblogposttitleever

I’m not a film nut. I like some good movies (Good Will Hunting). I like some bad movies (Transformers). I’m all for the cool scifi stories (Star Trek), except when they get too political or hyped (Avatar) or their only purpose seems to be to destroy a great literary work (Starship Troopers). I love classic movies where the film is driven by the actor’s abilities to act (Casablanca) around a story worth hearing (Pride of the Yankees).

and how obscure your the songs on your ipod are...
and how obscure the songs on your ipod are…

Yuuk recorded the latest Indiana Jones movie for me. Here the movie is just called Indy Jones. I was skeptical and leery. Harrison Ford is an old man. Shia LeBeouf isn’t really the one I’d be looking to hand the hat and whip over to, he doesn’t exactly ooze masculinity, but that’s his fault for typically taking parts that humorize his immaturity or femininity. Plus Lucas’s latest attempts to revitalize his legendary stories haven’t exactly been the blue pill, (Viagra’s blue right?).

Yeah... Point Break is gonna be our savior... great...
Yeah… Point Break is gonna be our savior… great…

It was Yuuk’s first Indiana Jones flick as well. I told her she need to watch the original three, but she doesn’t always listen and here it burned both of us. Terrible movie, terrible story, terrible acting, terrible concept, terrible villians, terrible action sequences… I mentally checked out after Indy survives a nuclear bomb test in the opening scene by squeezing into a lead lined refrigerator and getting blasted a mile away. Pure crap, but now my theories that George Lucas used all the money he made back in the 70’s and 80’s on cocain and LSD are starting to look very plausible.

I'm waiting for Batman to beat up George Lucas...
I’m waiting for Batman to beat up George Lucas…

A lot of people have never even seen the original movies. It’s like George woke up one day from his booze and smack laced vacation he started back in the 90’s and realized he wanted to start making movies again. So he took a cold shower, drank some coffee, downed a few Oxycontin pills and got to it.

Steve Holt!
Steve Holt!

The mistake with the Star Wars trilogy was he mistook flashy for good. Or he wanted to dupe everyone into believing that flashy is good. Flashy has it’s good points, but the new CGI he got to play with produced Jar Jar Binks and pod racing. And I understand that the new movies were supposed to be directed more at kids, but couldn’t he have waited until the next set? I mean these movies are about the fall of a just civilization, an evil dictator coming to power, the genocide of the Jedi’s, and Aniken getting diced up to pieces to become Darth Vader. Darth Fucking Vader. That dude scared the crap out of me when I was little. He’s such a good sort of evil. Not really kid stuff.

I sense a great disturbance in The Force...
I sense a great disturbance in The Force…

I’m pretty heart broken over how it all turned out. I guess to a degree we all struggle to stay relevant as we become obsolete in an ever evolving world. Either we’re eccentric enough that we become living time capsules of sorts, or we just drift along in the great social river swept up along with the changing fashions (leg-warmers again?), music (am I the only one who doesn’t care they keep re-releasing remastered Beetles tracks?), and philosophies (progressivism is now bad? Hitler’s most dangerous qualities included his ability to empathize? [circa Glen Beck 2010]) It’s not bad that we go with the flow, it’s the natural way of things, and if you pay attention to history humanity as a whole sort of follows pretty set trends. I mean you can only call a horse by so many names before it’s just a fucking horse (but what color?).

I think it was a missed opportunity by Mr. Lucas. I don’t watch too many movies these days, but I’ll cross him off my list of directors. I waited around for his next movies like I still wait for J.D. Salinger’s next work (post humorously, now). But things that are good that try to change don’t really change in a good way it seems usually. At least not things like Star Wars and Dr. Jones.

My movie list:

    • The Royal Tenenbaums
    • Fight Club
    • Star Wars IV
    • Good Will Hunting
    • Bottle Rocket
    • Star Trek IV & VI
    • Snatch
    • Casablanca
    • Pride of the Yankees
    • Shane
    • 500 Days of Summer
    • The Maltese Falcon
    • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    • Lucky Number Slevin
    • Quantum of Solace

What’s yours?

May the force be with you.
May the force be with you.