Life after Osama bin Laden

I have never wished a man dead but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” -Mark Twain

Barak Obama kills Osama Bin Laden; that only sounds ironic, like J.R. Tolkien is busy naming today’s historical characters.

Saruman and Sauron

Only took ten fucking years, but even though every living human is going to eventually die, sending Bin Laden off with a Navy Seal bullet through the head just has a strange poetic ring to it.

But the truth of the matter is that the world is never in short supply of stupid or crazy. We’re always fully stocked on douche bags, murders, and evil assholes. We knocked off a big one with Bin Laden’s death, but in the long run he did what he set out to accomplish. He shook up the world and even in death draws focus away from more awesome stuff like baseball and hot girls.

As I sat down and thought about it I wondered how I should react. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but watching the people in America parading around draped in stars and stripes seemed slightly off.

I think we did it wrong. How is us parading around after killing someone different from Al Queda extremists dancing around after they knocked down our two towers. Yes, they punched us first and it was a stupid move on their part, but rarely is terrorism a smart move unless it’s against a tyrannical empire that likes drinking tea. (no not China!)

This thing should have ended like the movie Shane. A couple of flash bangs, a 9mm, and the SEALs ride off into the night on their black helicopters. Well… that’s exactly what happened pretty much. But when Shane guns down Wilson and everyone else in that little saloon we never saw what happened afterwards. I guess because afterwards ruined the coolness of the film. Coolness isn’t something you can fake I guess and it’s not something that widely distributed among the masses.

We are this:

Just shows what you can do if you believe in yourself...

When we should be this:

Trust me kids, he was cool.

We’re this:

“You went full retard, man… never go full retard.” Kirk Lazarus

When we should be this:

The original space cowboy.

By celebrating the death of a single man who has been hiding for a decade we endanger ourselves. What if we’re no longer cool? What if the world starts to think we’re simpletons who believe that single death brings complete closure to wounds that will forever scar our history. What if we’ve validated Osama Bin Laden by celebrating him in anyway at all? All we should have done is nodded, smiled, and cooly said, “About time we killed that mother fucker…” before eating some non-Halal grub followed by 72 hour sex marathon.

Religious leaders are often killed off in the belief that by silencing them you silence the followers. But as with the example with the early Christian movements, persecution grows faith. The death of a figurehead can often have the opposite effect you desire.

We’re not the underdog in this story, if anything we’re Rome. And Bin Laden isn’t Jesus, he was a lying, extremist, murder who has the blood of many people from many walks of life and faith on his hands. But we were the odds on favorite to win from the get go, that’s been undisputed since WWII.

And it’s not like we win them all, but we expect to, and we often do. And when we do. We don’t have to rub it in their faces.

Because when we do…

We look like this:

Yeah, like you’re from Jersey…

Instead of this: