So. I don’t know many Canadians. Of the ones I do know I like them all except for one exception. This has absolutely nothing to do with Canadians as it has to do with annoying selfish arrogant tactless young women.
Some back story
My first year in Japan I met a kid from Scranton, PA. I’m one of those people who can hang with a lot of different crowds. I spent elementary school home schooling, where I amassed scholastic information to last me until my sophomore year in high school. I went to roller rinks, Star Trek conventions, and had light saber duels with my best friend Andrew. How big of a Star Trek nerd was I? Well, I was Sulu for Halloween one year, I still have an unopened Spock figurine, and I played Star Trek the card game…
In middle school I went back into the public school system. I got a crash course in the hierarchy and political landscape of teens trying too hard to grow up too quickly. Needless to say I was a non-player for my first year, but by the time I was in 8th grade I figured out that my safest course through middle school was allaying myself with the biggest names in the school, by helping them cheat on math tests.
In high school, I was a hyped baseball player as a freshman. Some how everyone believed I had to have ninja hands as an asian ball player. My high school consisted of 597 white Kentucky natives, a skinny vegan from India, some mustached senior who either had a great tan or was some sort of hispanic, and moi.
So when I started training with Interac, it was kind of like high school all over. Cliques formed frighteningly fast. The hipsters thought they were (ironically) the most awesome thing to hit Japan since the Beetles, the Aussies, Scotts, and one Irish kid were just waiting to go drink as they complained that the local brews were as strong as watered down urine, the anime nerds kept quietly to themselves, the hippie girls grossed everyone out with their hairy legs and armpits, no one could understand a word the Jamaicans said, and everyone wanted to
fuck bed hookup with “hang out with” the hot girl from Trinidad with the big ass and cute upturned nose.
I befriended only two people at training, Josh and Dom. Josh, like me had a Japanese girlfriend and was a jockish jokester from Oklahoma. We have a similar sense of humor. Dom had studied Japanese, and turned his nose up at some of the other trainees who were oblivious to all things Japanese. He was a bit of a smart-ass, but he wasn’t an idiot, so it worked out.
The two of them didn’t really get a long too well ironically.
Anyway, Dom was the one from Scranton, PA. He played W.O.W. fairly competitively and he even met a girl in the realms of Kalimord or whatever it’s called. This girl’s name was Sara. She was a 22 year old who studied paleontology, liked dance-dance revolution, had an alarming amount of peach-fuzz facial hair that in the right light made her look downright furry, and was from Canada.
Isn’t it funny? If you meet a fat guy who’s pissed off and angry and is a complete douche bag you’re just as likely to say, “Damn, fat people are ass-holes,” when you should say, “Damn, that one dude was an ass-hole.”
So I met Sara. At the time Dom was living in Shizuoka, which is 30 minutes southwest of Tokyo by the bullet train. I was living where I currently live in Fukuoka, the north area of the souther island of Kyushu, about 6 hours away from Tokyo by the Shinkansen.
My brother was visiting me in Japan for summer break, and I invited Dom to join us, and I even told him he could bring Sarah, who I had only met once briefly when she visited him in the spring. I would be remiss to mention that her father flew her out to Japan on a whim, when she told him she wanted to hang out with some W.O.W. buddies, and then he flew her out again, during the summer to continue hooking up (I mean hanging out) with her W.O.W.
I didn’t have a problem with her the first time we met. She was the shy new girl friend. So I saw no ostensible reason to not let Dom bring his virtual turned 3D squeeze warrior dark elf.
Man, what a mistake. I spent the following two weeks listening to her complain about everything from the consistency of the food to the fact that summer was hot to the horror that I the only shampoo I owned was a 2 in 1 conditioner/shampoo… and every little thing in between.
I don’t know how Dom put up with it. And he did break up with her about the day before they left, which to her credit she took in stride, if only to save face. She was smug, while inaccurate. She argued with me that it’s impossible to overdose on vitamin C because it’s healthy for you.In the process, she alienated me, my brother, my sweet little Japanese girl friend and her family who are the most gracious hosts.
If pure enough, bitchiness is a universal language.
After she had left I tried to erase all evidence of her existence. Luckily, all this required was burning the sheets and unfriending her on Facebook.
She wasn’t done annoying me though. She sent me this message.
After all was said and done I didn’t step back and think to myself, “Canadian women are terrible…” or “W.O.W. nerds are mannerless self-righteous pricks…” or “Girls with facial hair should shave…” (ok, I did think that last one)
No, I thought to myself, “Never ever act the stereotype of your age.”
So, happy Canada Day!!! I hope a run in with one complete pain in the ass never makes you say anything more than geeze, that person was a pain in the ass. Personally, I love Canada because it gives us maple syrup, Ryan Reynolds, and provides a buffer between American and Alaska.